One Earbud a Year
Anonymous
One of my mom’s ex boyfriends—the Polish one who loved steak and strict gender roles—told my mom to pay attention to the way I listened to music.
One earbud in, one out—he said it was because I was used to paying attention, to watching for my brother, listening for any danger. She hadn’t noticed, and neither had I. I don’t know if I wish he’d never brought it up, because now it’s a conscious decision I make: between maintaining the same responsible and watchful elder sister persona, or just wanting to listen to my damn music. Because, believe me, there is a difference between one or two earbuds.
I’m chronically stuck with one-sided listening, either due to the fact that I’ve lost or broken half of every set of wireless earbuds I’ve ever owned, or I need to make sure I respond when being spoken to so I’m not marked as a selfishly unaware teenager.
Duolingo just reminded me to finish my streak.
I put in my second earbud. That’s why I like these wired headphones. They stay, and they stick—they don’t usually leave me with only half of my hearing engaged—and I get to untangle the knots. I love untangling. Untying. It feels like one thing I can really do, silly as it might sound.
Blasting music in the car isn’t the same either. It’s the fully immersed experience that matters, maybe, maybe if I were to douse myself and lean a speaker against the wall of the bathtub I could sink into the sound, I could let my atoms vibrate quickly enough, molecules bouncing haphazardly enough to allow the sound to sneak in, travel through my vessels, so I
have been touched by music.
This is how my year goes, every year, a uniquely colored sludge of the sounds I’ve blasted in my one earbud, and yet the same way of half listening.
My mom says I don’t pay enough attention to things. To myself, and the world around me. That’s why I lose my glasses, pencils, my lunchbox, keys and clothes—and my phone—and chargers; and why I lose track of the future. I need to focus now. This is the year where I focus, where regardless of whether I choose to take my earbuds out or keep them in, I have to commit entirely. I’ll either need to forsake my earbuds forever, or get some that’ll propel me through this year in a more targeted manner.
One earbud in, one out—he said it was because I was used to paying attention, to watching for my brother, listening for any danger. She hadn’t noticed, and neither had I. I don’t know if I wish he’d never brought it up, because now it’s a conscious decision I make: between maintaining the same responsible and watchful elder sister persona, or just wanting to listen to my damn music. Because, believe me, there is a difference between one or two earbuds.
I’m chronically stuck with one-sided listening, either due to the fact that I’ve lost or broken half of every set of wireless earbuds I’ve ever owned, or I need to make sure I respond when being spoken to so I’m not marked as a selfishly unaware teenager.
Duolingo just reminded me to finish my streak.
I put in my second earbud. That’s why I like these wired headphones. They stay, and they stick—they don’t usually leave me with only half of my hearing engaged—and I get to untangle the knots. I love untangling. Untying. It feels like one thing I can really do, silly as it might sound.
Blasting music in the car isn’t the same either. It’s the fully immersed experience that matters, maybe, maybe if I were to douse myself and lean a speaker against the wall of the bathtub I could sink into the sound, I could let my atoms vibrate quickly enough, molecules bouncing haphazardly enough to allow the sound to sneak in, travel through my vessels, so I
have been touched by music.
This is how my year goes, every year, a uniquely colored sludge of the sounds I’ve blasted in my one earbud, and yet the same way of half listening.
My mom says I don’t pay enough attention to things. To myself, and the world around me. That’s why I lose my glasses, pencils, my lunchbox, keys and clothes—and my phone—and chargers; and why I lose track of the future. I need to focus now. This is the year where I focus, where regardless of whether I choose to take my earbuds out or keep them in, I have to commit entirely. I’ll either need to forsake my earbuds forever, or get some that’ll propel me through this year in a more targeted manner.